Saturday, December 15, 2007

Christmas Memories


It has been our tradition since I was little to put up our tree as a family. We would go to the Lion's Club tree lot and my sister and I would find just the perfect one. My dad would tie it onto the family wagon and off we'd go. That's where the vision of family bliss ended. We'd get home and he would wrestle with the lights, cursing himself for not putting them away correctly the year before. Once he finally got them untangled and started the process of putting them on, my sister, my mom and I would give him what we considered "gentle direction" in the art of actually placing them on the tree. (it actually is an art!). He would get frustrated at us and we with him for not doing what we said. It always ended the same, an argument. He would raise his voice, my sister would cry, my mom would leave the room and I would stay and offer my commentary, much to my father's dismay. The tree always ended up being a hodge podge of handmade and store bought ornaments with too much tinsel and way too much silver garland. When it was all decorated my sister and I would bicker over whose turn it was to put the star on top. I remember doing this much into my teens and still wanting my dad to put us on his shoulders to place it atop the tree. He always did. What were we thinking? Not exactly the picture of family bliss I'm sure my mother had intended but the thought of it brings a smile to my face just thinking about it. Although we certainly weren't the Cleavers, we are family and in the end that is all that matters.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

One on One





In a house with 4 kids, it's difficult to find time to spend with each one individually. Avery, gets the bulk of attention at this point because she's the baby and demands it. Owen is second in line for attention because, well because he's Owen. Macie is probably next. She gets quiet times with me when the boys are busy being boys. Chase is the hardest. He is very much the middle child( I totally believe in the theories associated with birth order!) He is constantly living in the shadow of Macie who everyone thinks is brilliant and beautiful. He also has to struggle with being the big brother to Owen who is sweet, smart, personable, HIGH ENERGY and very talkative. It's hard to get a word in when he's around. So Chase struggles to find his place by being the jokester of the family. He is constantly doing things to get your attention even if it's negative attention. I have to admit, he is quite funny and charming and his smile and and eyes can light up a room. My first grade teacher used to tell my parents " Susan's eyes are going to get her in a lot of trouble, but they are also going to get her out of it!" This is Chase to a T. Anyway--back to my point--when Stew travels, I let the kids take turns sleeping with me. They rotate and we get to spend a little extra one on one time talking, watching a fun show, reading--you get the idea. Last night was Chase's turn. He looks so forward to those nights and can't wait for Avery, Macie and Owen to go to bed to have me all to himself. Of all his choices, he picked Animal Precint, a show about the ASPCA and rescuing animals. This particular episode showed a woman who had put her dog's litter of puppies(13 in all!) in the trash. With much love and attention, 2 survived. I was amazed at his knowledge of animals and how big his heart was when it came to understanding what the animals had gone through. He really empathized with them and could not fathom why people would treat animals like that. It was good insight for me b/c I often wonder, especially with Chase, if he is ever "getting it." When I say that, I mean getting what we are trying to teach him about life, family, respect---the very things we all want so desperately for our children to learn and apply. He so often rolls his eyes(totally me!), and has a comeback for everything(totally me!) that I feel like the message is often lost. Watching and talking to him lastnight gave me positive reinforcement that he is "getting it." A good reminder that underneath all of his bravado, he is just like those puppies, a little love and attention goes a long way.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

The Talk







When we sat down for dinner on Sunday night the conversation that ensued wasn't exactly the type of family dinner talk we had expected. Usually it's the typical "how was your day?", did you like the movie?", "what book are you reading?" type stuff. After all the regular stuff had been sufficiently discussed, one of the boys asked if men could ever have babies. I thought nothing of it as I tried to explain about the ovaries and uterus. They had, after all, seen the birth of their baby sister and know full well what the "parts" are and what they look like in detail! I went on to tell them that Macie had eggs in her and the eggs would someday help form the children that she would have. As Macie was up getting seconds, she stated matter of factly, "yeah but the man has to put his thing in her thing to make an actual baby!" In our initial lapse of parental control and judgment, we asked her to repeat herself! Of course, she did so and we were then certain she had said what we had heard! I thought to myself, " how could this be? my sweet little 8 year old already knowledgeable about the birds and the bees?!" Wasn't it just yesterday she was telling her daddy that she wanted to marry him? It was clear those days were over and we were forging into new parental territory. I asked her to whisper in my ear what the "things" she was referring to were and she told me without fail. She told us that her 13 year old cousin, Sophie, had told her about in on a recent trip we had taken. With that knowledge, I felt that I had to give her the facts. About the time I got pregnant with Avery, Macie had some questions about her body. I borrowed a book from our church library that talked about sex, having a baby, menstruation, masturbation--you name it, the whole nine yards. It comes from a christian perspective with age appropriate language, helping to explain sexuality as a gift that God has given you. I had only let Macie read bits and pieces b/c I didn't think she was ready. Obviously, things had changed. Stew and I discussed it and decided to let her read it. She was elated b/c it had been a long coveted book for her. Lastnight, she went to the bonus room and read it cover to cover. When Stew and I went to tuck her in, we asked her if she had some questions. She did. She shared them and we answered them as honestly as we could . I was amazed at how comfortable the whole situation was. Neither Stew or I were embarassed, in fact, we felt quite happy to be giving her the answers to her questions. After all, we'd much rather be the ones talking to her than other kids who might not have the information correct or understand the implications. We told her that neither of our parents had sat down like this and that it was a learning experience for us all. In fact, I'm certain Stewart learned a thing or two, though you'd think after 4 kids he'd have the science of it all down pat! Anyway, we went to bed feeling we had set her on the right path. One down, three to go!