funny

After having been outside with Avery and Bogey on an unusually warm January day, I headed inside to see what time it was. I came back out to find Avery standing with Bogey. She is holding his ball and yelling at him to "Shit! Bogey! Shit!" He very obediently did what she asked and sat on the ground. Too funny.

Double Digits

It's hard for me to believe that my baby girl is 10 years old today. I remember everything about that day and all the emotions that it brought. In essence it's what made me a grown-up. The moment she took her first breath was really the first moment my life was no longer about me. Such unimaginable joy to finally meet this person that had been growing inside me. A bond that would link Stewart and I together like no other. So aptly named Macie after my great-grandmother meaning "a pearl" and Ann after my mom meaning "gracious." Our lives were forever changed that cold morning in January, for not only was a child born but so was a family. Ours.

A Good Laugh

I signed Stew and I up for a class at our gym called "Dynamic Training." Basically, it's an hour and fifteen minutes 2x a week at the mercy of a trainer. My workout friend Erin and her husband signed up and I thought it would be a good way for Stew and I to change up our routine and try and get some lbs moving in the right direction. I didn't exactly fill Stew in on all the details of the class.

Of course when I first mentioned it he didn't want to do it. After some thought he agreed but in his usual fashion was a total wiseguy. He kept making comments like, "don't forget my leg warmers!" He even saw a neighbor up there who said to him, "you're taking the ladies class??!!" Well let me tell you it was no ladies class! Stew worked harder tonight than he has in his 3 years at the gym!! I thought it was a good class, but nothing that I couldn't handle. Very similar to the classes I've been taking just taken to the next level. What cracked me up was watching Stew's face every time the trainer(Jen) would show us what to do. The looks on his face were priceless. He was definitely being challenged and not in ways that he enjoyed. I did however enjoy that I kicked his butt on the stairs. If he can walk by then, we'll be heading back for more on Tuesday!!!:)

Christmas

We have traded off holidays with my family and Stewart's since the year we got married. It is simply the easiest and most fair way to do things, always knowing which holiday will be spent where. This was our year to be in Murray for Christmas. I love going to Murray and being with Mimi and Pop. It just feels like home.

Christmas Eve service went off without a hitch and we went home to read "The Night Before Christmas," a tradition since I was a kid. We set out cookies for Santa and sprinkled our reindeer food on the lawn in anticipation of the big guy's arrival. We tucked the kids in bed by 10:30 and not even one got out of bed from excitement. I should have known right there that something was awry.

I woke at 1:30 to Macie telling me that Owen was throwing up. Sure enough, he had managed to get it all over himself and the bed. I roused Stew and he helped me get him cleaned up and tucked back in. Not a half an hour later, Avery decides it's time to let loose of the poop she's been holding on to since Sunday. What a mess and a smelly one at that. After that, Owen was up every hour or so and Avery had one more round of ammo left in that big belly of hers.(I guess prune juice really does do the trick!) Puke and poop are not exactly the sugar plums I had envisioned dreaming of. Needless to say, I drifted off to sleep with Avery on my chest since she wasn't having anything to do with the pack-n-play that she has just about outgrown.

Usually on Christmas morning, we have the kids come wake us so we can go out first and watch them come in to see what Santa has brought. This Christmas was different. Chase wandered in at 6:30am, wanting to know if he could wake the others. I convinced him to climb in bed with me. Stew had long since climbed in bed with Owen to help him as best he could. Next thing I know, it's 9am and Avery and Chase are still in bed with me. They both quickly woke up and we headed out to the family room. There we found Owen, Macie and Stew lying on the couch. Neither of them had looked at their Santa presents. Macie was engrossed in a book with Owen next to her still looking green.

Once they all finally realized it was Christmas morning, they snuck over to see their gifts and check their stockings. They were all very sweet as they surveyed their goodies and showed them to each other.

After a short time, the hangover from the night before lifted and they were in full Christmas mode. Unfortunately for them, they had a lot of waiting ahead of them. Scott and Cindy don't arrive in Murray until early afternoon, they always stay in St Louis to celebrate Christmas Eve with Cindy's family. Steve and Lori get up early and head to Paris, TN to be with her family and see her nieces and nephews open their gifts. This leaves the Parker kids with a lot of time on their hands. A lot of time before a single present is opened. I have to say(and not just b/c I'm their mom) they were extremely patient. I never once saw the greedy gimmies come out while we waited anxiously for everyone to arrive. I am certain that as a child I couldn't have done it. I was so ready to go by Christmas morning that nothing could have stopped me from ripping in to those pretty packages.

We finally opened gifts around 3pm and the kids were ecstatic. They couldn't have been more pleasant, polite and thankful. Exactly the way you want but rarely what you get on Christmas morning. Of course we had our moments but there was nothing major to speak of. Avery had a few, but given that she's nearly 2, hadn't slept and was out of her routine, she held it together pretty well. We had our Christmas dinner and all was well until Owen hurled all over the family room. I guess the little bug was still lurking in his tummy.

When we were tucking them in bed we asked them about what they enjoyed most about the day. We came to Chase and he said "Christmas was really kind of a bummer this year." I asked him what he meant and he said "it just never really felt like Christmas. When we are at home, we wake up and get to celebrate. Our cousins are there and it just feels different. Today we really didn't do anything but wait." I guess from one perspective he may sound like a greedy little boy who had to wait to open his gifts. On the other hand, isn't that really what Christmas is all about? Children? Celebrating the birth of a child and the giving and receiving of gifts in his honor. It broke my heart to hear him say that. He was right though. Christmas is as much about celebrating our savior as it is about seeing that magic in a child's face. That magic that only a child has in their heart. We've only got a few years left where he still believes, where the magic is alive. After that, it simply isn't the same. It kills me to think we took some of that away from him.

My mom's 69th birthday would have been December 20. Each year it sneaks up on me as I find myself extremely weepy and desperately needing time to myself. I am so mixed with emotions. Anticipation for the coming Christmas and the joyous celebration of Christ's birth. The joy in my children's faces and hearts as they too anticipate this sacred and special event. Yet, I also find myself sad and impatient. Sometimes a little too short with them when they ask me one more time if they can open their presents. A little too quick to say no to their pleas to have friends over. Probably a little too short with Stew as well. I guess you would think after 12 years I would know how to handle it. The truth is, I often don't. I miss her so much but it just seems more raw this time of year. I try so hard to hold it all together but I'm finding it harder this year. Maybe my problem is I try to hold it together too much, when I really just need to let the floodgates open.

2 Words

They are the 2 words that women fear most. Breast Cancer. So when my sister called to tell me a little over a week ago that my mom's best friend Sue had been diagnosed, my heart sunk. I have to admit, my first feelings were so selfish. I couldn't imagine life without her. This woman who has meant so much to me throughout my life could die. I mean, realistically I know we all can and will die. It really wasn't so much the dying that scared me, it was the living knowing she wouldn't be here.

After my sisters' call, I knew I needed to speak to her but something in me wasn't allowing me to pick up that phone. I learned a few days later that Sue would be undergoing surgery. I still couldn't find the strength to call.

This is a woman who has great strength. She married Terry when she was 17. No one thought it would work. They struggled and sacrificed and raised 4 wonderful kids. Their marriage is the kind people envy. Imagining a life with a Terry and no Sue is like imagining peanut butter without any jelly. They just go together. Always have, always will.

This is the woman whose house I would come to at lunch time during grade school when I was being bullied. She'd fix me lunch and let me stay the afternoon. Letting me visit and talk as long as I needed. Even offered to send her son Andy back to school with me to face my fears.

This is the woman who opened her home to our family every Christmas Eve from the time I was 4. I have so many memories of spending Christmas Eve there and always looking forward to seeing the same faces each year. Memories that have lasted a lifetime for me.

This is a woman who suffered a devastating brain injury my junior year in high school. I remember coming home from school and being taken to Sue's side at the hospital. I remember seeing her awake for the first time after having been in a coma. I remember how it felt when she couldn't remember who I was. I remember how it felt when she finally did.

This is a woman who makes the most glorious quilts you have ever seen. Each stitch filled with more love than most of us give in a lifetime.

This is a woman who wore a dress to my wedding! If you know Sue, that's no small feat!

This is a woman who sat with my dad while my mother died in her hospital room.

This is a woman whom my children love. They call her "Grandma Sue." Sue and Terry stop by a few times a year on one of their many excursions. My kids love to explore their van, sit in their laps and shower them with questions about their travels. They love them like they love me.

This morning was Sue's surgery. I finally found the courage to call the house hoping to leave a message. I was surprised when Terry answered the phone. He said she was still in surgery but that the nurse had told them the cancer was only in one breast and no lymph nodes. I immediately breathed a sigh of relief. Relief because they had caught it. Relief because I knew I still had time. Time to tell her all the things I've always thought and should have said. Time for more visits. Time for more calls. Time for Sue.

Halloween

Macie got to go trick-or-treating without parents for the first time this year. The boys had fun running around the neighborhood with Stew. Avery and I made it around the block and headed home to hand out candy. She and I probably ate more than we handed out but we had fun.